i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
