Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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