I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
