Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
