I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
