My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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