so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have fence marks all over my body
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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