But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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