just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
