How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
