if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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