Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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