Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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