So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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