My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
