im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
