My hair reeks of homosexuality.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Green mimosas i think yes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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