i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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