After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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