Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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