and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
