Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
