two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
