so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
