im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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