I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
