It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
