Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
