Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This baby is an asshole
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
