So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I didn't notice because vodka
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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