You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
