I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
