Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
