dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just crazy horny about you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
