Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
