Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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