stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That accounts for only three of the penises
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
