how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
