YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
