thus making me awesome and them whores
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
