The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
