I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
