I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
PANTIES FOUND
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
