i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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