I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
