It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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