...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you traded sex for a burrito?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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