My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
