I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
