Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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