Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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