i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
