You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
