I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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