Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Pooping to opera.
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