Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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