So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
