I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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