Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
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Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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