It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
