I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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