One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
