ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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