I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
