Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
