their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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