Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
