you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
