you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
